Managing Your Anger: Change Your Behavior

Kendall L. Stewart, M.D.

Why are leaders hesitant to do this?

Those leaders who fail to change their angry behavior persist in behaving badly for one reason—they get away with it. Human beings in general, and leaders in particular, don’t have much interest in behavioral change. It’s uncomfortable. And who wants to feel uncomfortable? After all, isn’t feeling comfortable the point of life? Leaders have another reassuring reason not to change. They are successful and powerful. Why should they change?

What is the case for doing it anyway?

Simply put, anger is unpleasant and deadly. Angry people die sooner, indulge in unhealthy habits more often and are more miserable. Chronically angry people are at increased risk for a long list of nasty diseases. To make matters even worse, they hang around with other angry people. No one else is available. If you choose to be chronically angry and miserable, joyful people will avoid you like the plague.

How can you do it?

  1. Admit the need to change. This step is easy, simple, quick and painless. It is the only step that is. But it is critical. If you are not convinced you must change, you will never commit.
  2. Specify the specific behavioral pattern you intend to change. Don’t be silly. You are not going to change your entire personality. Thankfully, that’s not necessary. But you can change one or two of your recurring maladaptive behaviors if you put your mind to it over several years.
  3. Make a public commitment. You don’t have to post this on Facebook, but you should tell the most important people in your life, those who will provide the support you will need and then hold you accountable when you backslide. And you will.

What angry behaviors have you changed and how did you do it?

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